Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Coming in for a Landing

Well, the flying goat I've been riding seems to be finally coming in for a landing. Today is the most normal I've felt since sometime last Wednesday. Last big hallucinations were Sunday afternoon; all the leaves on the trees around my house were waving at me. Scratch that; it was actually only the yellow and gold leaves that were waving. Guess the red, orange and brown leaves aren't my biggest fans.
For awhile I was totally mesmerized by the feeling of my pants against my legs - I was aware of each hair and skin cell as the fabric moved against them. I was as close to just completely freaking out as I could be about that time. Even last night I could see beams of light from all the lightbulbs in my house. I'd just burst out laughing and Lori would ask what was so funny, but I could never explain it.
Apart from that sort of hyper-awareness, everything is still rather amazing. Whatever I do or see feels like it's the first time. Yesterday my office phone rang (Thank God, I work from home or I'd have to take this whole week off probably) and I was just blown away. I didn't know what to do. Just noticed colored lights on the phone that I'd swear weren't there before and I was dumbfounded as to what to do next. Granted this phone is a little different, I could answer with the handset or pick a set of headphones, but I had to think and notice it all before I could decide how to answer the phone. Almost everything has been like that. The first time I answered an email yesterday... I was thrilled! I was as proud as if I'd just completed some major research paper or something. Just so... wild.
But it is settling down. This morning I was taking Homer for a walk. In the driveway it started raining and I though about going back inside. Then I realized, I didn't feel wet. I could see and hear that it was raining rather hard - but not on me. So we walked on and of course it was amazing. At one point I thought someone was behind me, I turned and a single gold leaf was falling and twirling right past my face. It reminded me of the dancing plastic bag in "American Beauty". I thought that scene was so stupid with the kid in tears about how beautiful the trash was. Needless to say, I don't feel like that anymore. :)
I even 'synced again last night for first time since Friday, later Lori shook me awake because my whole body was lurching, jumping to catch some missed breath like when I did the circular breathing at the retreat. Bizarro.
So beyond the occasional communicating with leaves, every thing's back to normal.

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